Why I Don’t Set Boundaries!

Yes, you read that right, I DON’T set boundaries!

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Imagine someone hits you with:

“You only come around when it suits you!”

At first, it can land like a jab, something meant to pull you back into showing up on their terms.

Pause.

Drop the emotional charge. The expectation. The need to defend or explain.

What’s actually left?

A perspective. Not truth. Not fact. Just their interpretation.

A few weeks ago, I was grabbing lunch with someone who wanted to talk about my book, Live Your Dreams, Not Your Drama. They shared something real: people in their life who are negative, gossipy, stuck in what’s wrong – all. the. time!

And honestly? It’s draining.

Who else can relate? I know I can.

So, she shared with me that she created boundaries around those people.

We got into the kind of conversation I love—one that goes deeper than surface-level self-help.

Not about boundaries.

About agreements.

Not rules for other people.

Not lines to hold.

But a declaration of who you are.

For example, for me:

• I have an agreement not to gossip.

• I have an agreement to be around conversations that create, not drain.

• I have an agreement to honour my energy.

See the difference?

An agreement isn’t something you enforce.

It’s something you live.

We got into a conversation around that, and I asked her to consider trying on instead of forcing herself to be in that energy, that she make a choice:

… to love and support those people in a way that doesn’t cost her peace.

At a distance.

when someone says … “You only come around when it suits you.”

What they’re really saying is: “I think your presence should be shaped by my expectations.”

And maybe, just maybe, you have an agreement that says otherwise.

Agreements shift everything

Because now it’s not:

• reacting

• defending

• explaining

It’s simply: “This is how I show up.”

Who are you being?

Who are you in your relationships?

Are you defaulting … or are you choosing?

Agreements bring you back to authorship.

They’re not about controlling others.

They’re about owning your way of being.

Let’s be clear, agreements are not avoidance.

They are not:

• a way to ghost people

• an excuse to break your Word

• a bypass of hard conversations

In fact, real agreements demand more from you:

• more honesty

• more direct conversations

• more integrity

Because if you have an agreement not to gossip … you don’t just walk away, you shift the conversation or speak directly.

Agreements vs. Boundaries

An agreement says: “This is who I am.”

A barrier says: “This is what I’m avoiding.”

One creates connection with integrity.

The other disconnects out of fear, annoyance, or something else.

Here’s the truth

An agreement isn’t about saying no to others.

It’s about saying yes to:

• your standards

• your energy

• the person you’re committed to becoming

So, when someone says something like, “You only come around when it suits you,”

You don’t need to defend it.

You can simply stand in: “I show up in alignment with who I am.”

And let that be enough.

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Alright … what agreements are you living right now?

Let’s talk 

T xo